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11 See the love around you
People do not experience love in isolation from their other personnel relationship. For example, people in satisfying relationships were 22 percent more likely to think
of themselves as well loved by family members and friends than were people with unsatisfying relationships.
12 Doing nothing is rarely a solution
Married couples who report they never argue with eachother are 35 percent more likely to divorce within four years are couples who report regularly disagreeing
13 You'll forget the disagreement but remember the disagreeing
Asked to describe three recent disagreements with their partner, people had ten times as much to say about their feelings and the tone of the disagreement as about the topic of the disagreement. Twenty-five percent of people forgot the topic of a disagreement but could describe their feelings on the situation.
14 Pursue what you need forever not what you want today
Couples that pursue a hedonistic form of happiness,seeking to fulfill their desires regardless of their needs, endure twice as much conflict as couples that persue more altruistic forms of happiness ( that is, based on creating feelings of unity and mutual satisfaction)
15 Seek harmony in your life
Researchers find a spillover effect such that people who experience high levels of conflict in their relationship are 20 percent less satisfied with their job and people who experience high levels of stress on the job are 38 percent less satisfied with their personal life
100 secret to great relatonship - Session 3
DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?
During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, 'How do I know if I married the right person?'
I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, 'It depends. Is that your husband?'
In all seriousness, she answered 'How do you know?'
Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind.
Here's the answer.
EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse / partner .
You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies (unconventional behavior/habit).
Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience.
You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called 'falling' in love... Because it's happening TO YOU.
People in love sometimes say, 'I was swept of my feet.' Think about the imagery of that __expression.
It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.
Falling in love is easy.
It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage,the euphoria (excitement) of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship.
Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all),touch is not always welcome (when it happens),and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.
The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage,you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.
At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, 'Did I marry the right person?'
And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had,you may begin to desire that experience with someone else.
This is when marriages breakdown.
People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.
Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious.
But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.
But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it.
I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else.
You could.
And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later.
Because (listen carefully to this):
THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON;
IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.
SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't 'find' LASTING love.
You have to 'make' it day in and day out. That's why we have the __expression 'the labor of love.'
Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM.
You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.
Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery.
There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.
Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships.
Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger,certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger.
It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws,the results are predictable... you can 'make' love.
Love in marriage is indeed a 'decision'... Not just a feeling.
100 secret to great relatonship - Session 2
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6 You have nothing to envy
People who feel a sense of competition with their partner aqre 37 percent less likely to feel that their relationship is satisfying
7 Attitude Triumphs over outcome
In long-term studies of people over the course of multiple decades, the capacity to ultimately find a happy relationship was not affected by the age when they first fell in love. But it was affected by the person's attitude toward their experiences.
8 Don't be beyond by Tradition
Studies of relationships find that in the last two decades both men's and women's expectations have changed significantly and become less rigid. Today,partners in happy long-term relationships are three times more likely to embrace a flexible definition of women's and men's roles.
9 The Past is not the Future
Most people who exited and unhappy relationship were in a happy relationship with in three years and 74 percent said that their new relationships was significantly different.
10 No one wins the comparison game
People who were asked first to describe an unhappy couple then to describe their own relationship were 19 percent more likely to describe their relationship enthusiastically than were people who were first asked to describe a happy couple and then describe their own relationship.
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100 secret to great relatonship - Session 1
First 5 Secrets
1 The Mundane is heroic The ability to maintain open, healthy communication in a relationship is associated with strong levels of such highly regarded personal qualities as self-restraint,courage, generosity,commitment to justice and good judgment
2 See possibilities where other see obstacles Couple discussing the positive side of their relationship reduced their stress level by 15 percent ,while couples discussing the negative side saw their stress level increase 48 percent
3 Set rules for Conflict While people may employ many different conflict resolution strategies in a relationship,when both partners use the same strategy they experience 12 percent less conflict and are 31 percent more likely to report their relationship is satisfying
4 Anyone can find a happy relationship Age,income,education and religion are unrelated to the likelihood of relationship satisfaction
5 Its Not how hard you try People who said they were trying hard to improve their relationship were 33 percent less likely to be happy than were people who said they were putting some effort into improving their relationship
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